BAD MOM /|\ Apology

I Have been running on a total of about 2-4, sometimes 5 hours of sleep every night and day. I am tired...This baby is DEFIANTLY bigger then Kylyn was, and loves to scratch either with her head or some wicked long fingernails my uterus. Its painful enough for me to hold my breath, stop moving, walking, or doing whatever it is I was doing at the time. She is MOST active at night, and peaceful and quiet all day long. Well I have a toddler thats MOST active during the day and sleeping at night...where is there any room for sleep? I was wondering the same thing.

I have permanent damage to my back and hips from my pregnancy with Kylyn, and feel I have only doubled or tripped my problems. I hate the idea of going to a chiropractor because everyone says you will have to continue going if you go once...Well I dont wanna be going forever...I just want them to tell me whats wrong with my back, and fix it. I wish wish wish I could go NOW and so I could possibly have a medical reason to have my cs the 2nd instead of the 9th, but thats a long shot in the dark, and I know it wont happen. I am miserable...absolutely miserable...I feel like an awful mother right now to my daughter because I CANT hardly move some days...Laying down means excruciating pain in my hips, lower back, mid back, ribs, shoulders, and knees. Sitting means excruciating pain in my hips, lower back, mid back and neck. If I stand after sitting for any longer period of time I walk around hunched over like a old woman because my ligaments get soo tight. The tendons in my groin make it nearly impossible to walk some days. My hips pop out of place on random...yet i have a wonderful most amazing daughter I need to care for being a sahm. i need to get up and feed her, and play with her and give her my undivided attention. i need to read her books, and sing her songs, to hug her, chase her, and give her some mommy loving. . . All these things have become painful and I feel horrible about it. Because I'm so tired, and stressed I have the shortest patience ever as of late.I'm working on it, and trying to just take things slow, and laugh the things that go wrong, off. 

I just want to have this baby and trade my nearly complete sleepless nights with nights with a toddler and infant where I can go to bed, sleep so much more comfortably, and wake up every 2-4hrs to breastfeed. I will be getting way more sleep then now. Dont get me wrong I love pregnant, but I think it should be medically necessary that as soon as my baby is fully term, and has been okeyd to come out into this world, that she DOES! Waiting any longer is nonsense. I wanna be a good mom again, I wanna be able to cuddle with my little girl(s) I want to sleep, I want to eat, and poop!! hah

ANYWAYS...Lately I have been really easily hurt, easily upset, easily disturbed, easily offended...I apologize If i have said anything, or done anything that has hurt anyone. I have only spoke my thoughts, my mind...this is my blog, more like my open book diary. As far as my readers go...i only know of 2 followers, so I assume not many read this, and I'm mostly talking to myself, and getting my thoughts out of my head and onto my blog. It relieves stress like no bodys business! haha
 I am sorry, and I hope you dont,or didnt take offense. What I write is what I observe as truth, if its not true than I observed it differently then what it really is. I love my family dearly, and would never change anything about them...well. haha jk. I have some issues with some of them..., and their lifestyles and what I think is appropriate for age, and what is not. These are my opinions. I can have them. Especially if these people are potentially going to influence my girls. I am their mom, and love them dearly. If I think something is unhealthy for them I will remove them from it.

I will not tell anyone i think they need to change this or that, but I DO think and WILL say that there is a time and a place for everything and every age...no one is perfect no one has a very good chance of ever being perfect either...But we should be responsible for our actions. I love you all, and I am not upset or mad, and I hope none of you are either. There is no reason to be.