A Tiny Piece of Heaven: February 2011

FINALLY!! TUMMY TIME!!

>> Thursday, February 24, 2011

Joslyn up until about 4+ months dispised with a passion her tummy time. The moment her belly hit the mat, floor, or crib, she screamed like someone was trying to kill her, finally she was on her tummy for a few minutes and she didnt start to scream bloddy murder. She wasnt so good at rolling over though. If she got frustraited she just planted her face into the ground and screamed until someone came and picked her up. She was doing something more then just laying there on her back non stop moving her arms and legs, but compared to Kylyn she was stiff, and quite behind. by her age Kylyn was sitting unsupported, scooting on the floor, and on her hands and knees rocking back and forth trying to figure out how to crawl. I was still scared something was wrong with her for her to be so behind her big sister, and slow compared to some of the other babys born in August. I knew though she was born early, and had a rough get going, so I shouldn't expect her to be excelling and to be so advanced.

I hate comparing....but why cant I stop? I feel like a bad mommy.

I had to put a cute sleeping photo in here.

On her tummy! Sorry for the spittle in the corner of her mouth....probably should have wipped that, huh? (the other hand in there is Kylyns hand.)

Not just on her tummy, but on her tummy looking half way happy!

I just think this one is super cute.

UM...? I Hate You Scale

I knew women gained weight with pregnency, and that they have to work their butts off afterwords to get back into some semi version of 'good shape' or 'pre-baby shape'. But this is just stupid.

Heres the run down and tell me how it makes any sense to you that this is ok, and perfectly normal.

Pre Joslyn I weighed 119lbs

4-5months pregnant I weighed 102-105lbs

8-9months pregnant I weighed 123lbs

Pretty good!! ONLY gained a few lbs on top of my prebaby body..although that prebody baby I thought was pretty gross in the first place, and was working my butt off to try get into better shape just before we found out we were pregnant.

1 week post partum I weighed 105lbs! YES!!!

6.5months post partum I weigh 122lbs....

WHAT THE HECK?!?!

That means I have a uterus full of water, two milk filled boobs, double my normal blood volume weight, and a 6lb +oz baby just in PURE BODY FAT sitting under my skin making me look like something I promised myself I would never let myself look like. Yuck....

Today, and until I am back into my sweet, awesome, physically fit body. I dislike clothes, leaving my house, or doing anything in which someone may see me in this disgusting state of physical form.

Please note, I have a severe case of fat phobia...not on others, just me. If I see someone heavier set I dont even notice! But...I cant stand to see myself. Seriously its soo bad I have to get undressed and dressed before and after I shower BEHIND the curton. I cry, I gag, I puke, I get nervous and panicy, I shake....I basically have panic attacks when I think about having this fat on my body. As I type this im feeling antsy. I blame this fat phobia on my mother...when I was about 7years old I was down in the basement of our parsenage in Grenfell SK CA. watching opera with my mom. It was about a woman who didnt care what she ate or that her life was now ridding on loosing weight. She didnt care, she said at least Ill die happy...sadly her poor family who loved her didnt want her to be this way, they wanted their mother back, their children wanted their grandma back, and wanted to be able to do things with her instead of just sit in the livingroom of her home visiting because she never got off the couch. How sad...and what a sad life for that woman that was...well lets face it she was fat plain and simple. So Oprah had a doctor come and bring a plastic container containing 1 lbs of pure body fat. I remember at this point almost throwing up. Then the woman proceeded to explain how it wasnt sooo bad. The doctor explain the risks of heart attack, back, and joint issues from carrying that much excess weight, and she just didnt care. Her daughter who weighed at that time she same as her mother did 25yrs go around her same age was asked by the doctor to put on a vest, and leg weights, and back weights, and wrist weights all of which equalled what her mom was carrying around on her body daily. The daughter put the stuff on and after a few minutes was out of breath and her heart rate was up...she broke down in tears when she realized how her mom was being so LITERALLY held back from life by this fat consuming her body. ANYWAY . . . the image of the pure body fat in that tub...has impacted me in good ways, and not so good ways. Therefore I have a severe fear of fat on my body. Just the idea of it makes my skin crawl.
Thanks Oprah....thanks alot.

So here I am...too overweight for my liking.

TOO LONG

Wow, my last post was Joslyns 7wk photos?! How awful am I lately at keeping my blog up to date? How much has happened in life since then? Alot. Much too much to list, but I cant try. Riiiigggghhhttt??

OK, so this is gonna be written weird since I'm telling of my life, and how it relates to Joslyn and Kylyn and being a mommy when Joslyn was 8-9weeks old, when at present Joslyn is 6.5 months, and Kylyn is 3. A Little off but that's ok.

Keep in mind this post is past, as in this past fall, not actually in present time.

I admit I was awfully concerned about Joslyns progress as far as movement and capability to do things. My first, Kylyn, was so advanced. Scooting, sitting unsupported, crawling, walking, and talking all before 11months easy. Joslyn? Not so much. She pretty much was perfectly content laying there and staring at anyone who would meet her eye to eye. Didnt squawk much, or squeal. Just lied perfectly still, Turing her head from side to side every so often to follow someones figure passing her by.

I was constantly comparing her to stats based on other August babies born around the same time as her, or comparing her against her sister when she was the same age...no matter what Joslyn always seemed sooo far behind. It drove me crazy to read how my friends babies were scooting on their tummy's, sitting up, crawling etc...when all my baby seemed to do was be content being a lazy lump of human baby flesh watching life, instead of making any effort to join in. It made me almost upset at times...it was so hard to NOT compare. When I did compare I got upset at the results, and at the fact that I just compared my daughters even though I swore I never would. I know Kylyn was 2 weeks over due,and Joslyn came nearly 4 weeks early, and spent time in the NICU, so I had to expect and accept her behing a little behind as normal, but I didnt want to. Kylyn was always so advanced, and entertaining, and so fun. She was nearly everyday doing something new and exciting, but Joslyn didnt coo, sqwak, roll over, do anything! Every once in a while she would smile or make some attempt at interacting, but she was soo different then what I was used to a baby being like! I knew she was normal, and just a different person then Kylyn. How could I have expected them to be exactly the same as far as growth and developement?

Kylyn grew increasingly jealous, with time, of Joslyn. Kylyn with no doubt loves and adores Joslyn, but she doesnt like when people come over and want to check out Joslyn first thats for sure...She about throws a royal fit when I have to stop playing with her, or stop watching her do something to tend to Joslyn. She stomps and whines and fusses when its time to give Joslyn a bath, or lay her down for a nap, or make her a bottle. I wasnt even sure how to deal with the problem. I knew to her it was becoming a competition for my time. Before Joslyn I stayed home everyday all day with Kylyn and we were like best friends. Every waking moment seemed to be spent together in one way or another. This time sharing thing was different and at times hard for both of us. As time has gone on its gotten better, but we still have our moments.

So...this is kinda the run down of Joslyn Kylyn and I and how my life as a mommy was @ 8-9wks post partum.

OH the joys, ups and downs, excitement, and boredum of being a mother.